AUTHOR: Sara TITLE: Does birth and child-rearing change EVERYTHING? DATE: 2/06/2005 06:53:00 PM ----- BODY:

I witnessed my first birth when I was 18 years old. My friend R asked if I would join her at the birth of her son. Her mother had died and she had no friends in Nevada, so of course I obliged. It was an amazing experience that ended with the birth of a little boy she named Joey. The second birth I had the opportunity to be present at was for my friend Carol. We went to high school together and I was good friend's with her family. Little Westley was born early, but healthy and beautiful. I was twenty then and I think my parents thought it would make me realize how much it took to have a child. (Hmm . . just made me want my own children more. Not like the "birth control" they expected me to get out of it. Didn't matter anyway . . it would be years until I would get pregnant. And miscarry.) The third birth I was present at was Carol's sister, Kirsten. It was a much harder delivery than the first two I had witnessed, but Kirsten had a healthy little girl. She has since had two more healthy girls. The fourth and last birth I have been present at was for my friend B. I briefly mentioned B in an earlier post. B had a little girl a few years ago, shortly before I met my husband. It was a strange time in my life and as much as I really wanted to be a mother, I had accepted the fact that I might never meet that "man" that I felt was my match. Seeing her daughter's birth was just enough to snap me out of my own little pity party. I spent the next few months yearning to be around little O. I was the first person B let her stay with when they went out. She was (and still is) dear to me. What sucks about the whole thing is that B and I have grown apart so much, or at least that is what I guess I can call it. I honestly have no idea what went wrong, but I have spent many long hours trying to figure it out. It is kind of like . . . . like because I don't have a child, I am not capable of understanding her life or spending the time with her that she wants. She has made a whole new bunch of friends, all through Mommy and Me classes and other playgroups, all with children. It makes me sad. This all leads me to what I pondered today as I attempted to do my grocery-shopping during halftime. (The "let's-get-more-beer crowd was slightly obnoxious, but I managed to not get run over in the parking lot.) I contemplated why it seems that those who have children tend to stick together, just like sometimes those without children do. A child should not "change" the dynamics of a solid friendship. If anything, it makes it more fun. Why is it, then, that when a woman has a child, suddenly she gravitates towards other women that have children of their own? For the sake of playmates? There has got to be a better reason. Any thoughts??

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