AUTHOR: Sara TITLE: CD 5 Mini-Breakdown DATE: 3/02/2005 10:26:00 PM ----- BODY:

Since discussing my new thoughts since I found out about Aric, I have been making every attempt to go into each day being more thankful than I did the day before, trying to find the positives in everything, and just attempting to appreciate 'life' more than I had been. Yeah, well, who the hell knew Nevada Reading Week would be this hard? It is the week where guest readers come in and read to the students, where the students participate in all kinds of great reading activities, where Literacy just drips from everything and everyone. (not that it doesn't already, I know.) I hate that people second-guess me all the time and walk on eggshells about pregnancy-related issues and babies around me. But it pisses me off even more because most of the time, they are doing it because they are assuming I will act a certain way, and I AM REALLY DISGUSTED with myself that I always end up playing into their hands. I always end up reacting EXACTLY how I don't want to react and it always catches me totally off guard. Is this making much sense? Today was "Wear A Shirt That You Can Read" Day . . . a shirt with words. Since I didn't have an "Infertility Sucks" or "I'm With the Infertile!" t-shirt, I opted not to participate today. I am such a horrible teacher, I know. That's okay, because everyone else at work apparently already had shirts in mind. Yeah . . . like the librarian . . . her shirt said "Baby on Board". Imagine my attempted smile and shocked expression when she gleefully told me she was 11 1/2 weeks pregnant, with a quiet, "I'm sorry" in between gasps. Imagine it mostly because I thought last week she looked different and I asked her if she was trying to have a baby yet and she said, "NO?!?!?!" And to think she was really pregnant at the time. So, I have time for optimism tomorrow, but add pregnant women WHO LIE on my list on things I hate today.

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