AUTHOR: Sara TITLE: Bitter Ramblings DATE: 1/15/2005 04:21:00 PM ----- BODY:

I remember when I finally became coherent after my D & C last July that there was a program on HBO about women who were addicted to heroin. The two women the channel chose to do this expose on were both very, very pregnant, so I watched in utter disgust, gagging as I watched these women shoot up and then waddle around, saying, "Oh, that was a good hit. Look, the baby is kicking!" I remember thinking at the time, "Why does it seem that the ones who really deserve and WANT to get pregnant, don't . . . and the ones that ARE mothers need a child like they need a hole in the head?" Of course, it is not totally true, but through my Vicodin-laden thoughts, I was more than bitter. I was thoroughly pissed. So, I thought my anger had left me. I was finally able to watch the Kindergarteners perform at school without having to excuse myself to cry and I have reached the point where I don't want to shove a ruler down the throat of many of my student's unfit, lazy-ass, welfare-taking, crack-smoking, waste-of-humanity parents. Yeah, well, I was wrong. After reading this article this morning, the anger is back. Who knew the eight steps after the loss of a baby would be more like the neverending, vicious circle of emotions. So, I'm back to step one. Anger.

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