AUTHOR: Sara TITLE: Aunt Flo Has Ruined Her Welcome DATE: 1/04/2005 04:51:00 PM ----- BODY:

I have been secretly praying that this was it. My Basal temperatures were still pretty high, I was approaching day 32 of my cycle, hoping against all hope that Aunt Flo had gone to Egypt for the year, not to be returning anytime soon. Yesterday my temperature went from 98.3 to 97.8, dropping below my cover line for the first time since I ovulated. I kept thinking maybe it was a fluke, but last night the cramps arrived, bad cramps, so I have just been waiting around. Normally my period starts the day I get those nasty pings and pangs, but I have only spotted a tiny bit last night and a touch today. Enter my head, where thoughts like,"Could this be implantation spotting? Is this really my period? My temperature went down, so it has to be. Unless I had a chemical pregnancy, then maybe not. (squeeze nipples) Nope, no soreness. Bloated, crampy, could be the Prometrium, though. . . " (and my thoughts never stop, thus accounting for the past two nights without sleep.) Inside, I know I am not pregnant. And I am sad. I had to pick up my friend's baby shower gift last night and I didn't even think of how Babies R' Us would make me feel. Pregnant women walking around everywhere, shopping carts full, excited Dads laughing with their wives, and then there is me, the girl struggling not to open a box of baby wipes to clean up my mascara. I am frustrated and pissed this is the way my year is starting off. More than anything, I am just feeling . . . down. Mike has tried to cheer me up, saying, "But we get to practice so much more this month!" Blah, blah, blah. I just want a baby.

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