AUTHOR: Sara TITLE: Reality Check DATE: 12/31/2004 03:06:00 PM ----- BODY:

Today was another one of those lounge-around days. The hubbie did not get off work until 2 am, so it was nice to sleep in with him. We woke up and went for soup and salad at Tony Roma's and then came home to a jumping, running-around-in-circles dog. (Chloe loves the weather right before it rains, so she demanded we take her for a long, leisurely walk.) When we got back, I was sitting here in the kitchen debating on where to start the massive cleaning session I need to embark on when a Bristish tourist came on CNN with his newly-released video from the Tsunami in Asia. Now, I am a cryer. Maybe it comes with being female or maybe it is more just me. I am a notorious nose-blower for camera commercials or anything that has to do with family, children, babies, pregnancy, animals, well, shit, name it and I will shed a tear over it at some point. This video blew me away, though. You could hear his little children in the background, identifying the impending wave, which impressed me because, you know, the teacher in me . . . But it was more real than the other snippits that I have tried not to watch. This is what all of those people saw, I kept thinking. Then, of course, they go to the footage in the hospitals of all of these orphaned children, crying for their parents, and I lost it. Not only do I hate crying in front of Mike, because I do it so often, I hate crying when there are no kleenex anywhere nearby and I am forced to walk past the television and fumble my way upstairs to the box I keep so handy next to my bed. (you know, for those "Daddy is leaving on a plane, let's-call-him-using-Sprint commercials.) I guess it just seems so truly unfair what people are often forced to endure. You know, in my first post, I talked about how my OB and I talked about how you can't compare sorrows. I always felt so guilty for crying over my 2 miscarriages when I read of others who have lost 8 babies. (Plus, there is always that a-hole, carefully reminding me, "God works in mysterious ways, Sara. At least you know you can get pregnant.") It is you that I have to force myself not to vomit on. You can't see what finger I am holding up. Anyway, it is New Year's Eve, and as much as it should be a time of celebration for many all over the Earth, I am thinking today of those little children with missing parents. I would take them all. Before I decided to become a teacher, I was getting my degree in Social Work. I changed that once I did my first internship and watched the Social Workers pry a screaming, beautiful boy from his foster mother, because, as they later told me, "The Mom changed her mind and there is a statute of limitations for 2 years here." I told me husband at the time (my x, long story, I married my high-school sweetheart, dumb-da-dumb-dumb, I'll explain later) well, I told him that I had to switch careers or I would adopt every child I could get my hands on. So, today, and this evening, I'm staying in, and I am going to be thankful for life. I am thankful that we are safe here, despite others who aren't. I hope 2005 brings joy to all of those whose blogs I read regarding their own fertility issues. Maybe this is going to be our year. :-)

--------